It is November. We are on week 10 of the semester and week 34 since our entire life changed, and I am drained. I am drained of motivation, I am drained of hope and I am drained of perseverance. Is it the senioritis and overwhelming fear of what is to come after my last spring semester? Yes. Is it the fear that the coronavirus is taking over and spiking once again? Yes. 

It is hard to keep going right now. I mean, I can imagine it is hard for everyone. But I am pouring one out for those like me out there: a senior staring at a blank space of what is to come after graduation and what that world will look like come May 2021. I am not going to sit here and try to be motivational because I am sick and tired of all of that. I want to be done. I want to say what we are all thinking: we are scared! I am scared! 

I just scheduled my last semester of college the other day. It was midnight, and I double and triple checked that I am taking the classes that I need to finish my degree. Once I hit submit and closed my laptop, I could not move. I was just laying on my bed staring into the darkness. Where was I going to go after I graduate? There is no way in hell I can move home. What if I meet someone up here? I don’t want to be far away from them. My lease is up in May, and I have to know what I am doing so I can tell my roommate who isn’t graduating. And dear god, I’m going to need a job  like a real job. 

All of that and more was running through my head as I stayed up and thought about the future. I have always been a planner, but now, with the added uncertainty of COVID-19, no one can be sure of anything. At any moment we can go into lockdown again. At any moment we could discover a cure. We do not know. 

I guess that is what scares me the most about all of this: the unknown. I despise that demon. But, as I sit here trying to finish my homework and online classes, that little demon is looming, and he is winning right now. I want to hide away in my bed and not even look at another assignment again let alone the news, and that last one is hard as I’m a journalism student. But I guess I’ll keep going. I mean, what else do I have to do at this point?

Jessica Goodwin is an opinion writer. Contact her at jgoodw18@kent.edu.

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Hi, I’m Lauren Sasala, a senior journalism student from Toledo. I’m also the editor in chief of The Kent Stater and KentWired this semester. My staff and I are committed to bringing you the most important news about Kent State and the Kent community. We are full-time students and hard-working journalists. While we get support from the student media fee and earned revenue such as advertising, both of those continue to decline. Your generous gift of any amount will help enhance our student experience as we grow into working professionals. Please go here to donate.

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